The Prince formerly known as Harry? The Harry formerly known as Prince? Um, do we just call him Dave?
Confusing, eh? I mean, how do we refer to the Duke of Sussex now that he has officially “stepped back from senior duties” as a member of the British royal family?
Well, if you think it’s difficult for us, just imagine the task the old boy is going to face when he starts filling in job applications.
Now that he won’t be receiving a portion of the hard-earned cash that the average folk of Britain contribute to his family, Harry needs — in the words of the legendary John Witherspoon — a J-O-B. A job.
So, what’s it going to be? Will ginger Harry take up a role as Ed Sheeran’s stunt double? Could he use his Received Pronunciation skills to do some voice-overs?
Or will he start where many of us did in the working world and earn a few bucks per hour flipping burgers while some angry middle-aged guy with a supervisor badge screams at him for burning the patty?
Looking for betting odds on Prince Harry’s next job? Well, today is your lucky day. Bovada has Prince Harry odds on some fairly respectable roles the prodigal son of the royals could take up.
Latest Odds on Prince Harry’s Next Job
Okay. Here are the odds. Cast your eyes on them before we move on.
And by moving on, I mean trying to work out what Harry can do to bring a few extra dollars in while the family adjusts to life outside of the British royal family.
Actor or Reality TV Star
Any Military Job
Children’s Party Entertainer
Adult Film Star
Cab Driver or Rideshare Driver
Fast Food Crew Member
Actor or Reality TV Star +105
Now, the role of an actor is something that Harry could potentially make his own.
After all, he has been playing the part of a po-faced, henpecked husband now for the best part of two years. And if he needs any tips, he can surely just ask “the missus” to point him in the right direction.
Meghan Markle has enjoyed a career in front of the cameras, starring in the TV series Suits, as well as a few other things I wouldn’t watch if you paid me to.
Of course, Harry will have to be careful not to outshine the master, as most married men who want to hold onto their “crown jewels” will know.
Harry could opt to go down the other route and do what all other untalented folk with ambitions of fame and fortune aspire to — reality TV.
You can get odds of +105 for Harry to become an actor or reality TV star next.
Netflix Producer +275
I frequently toy with the idea of canceling my Netflix subscription, given the insane amount of crap on there. If I see anything directed by Prince Harry, I think my mind will be truly made up for me.
Those few dollars per month that I will save from it can go towards a nice charity. Or maybe towards a fund for the Botox I have needed due to the laughter lines I have developed since Harry’s incredulous decision to walk away from a life of literal royalty.
Anyway, the bookies think odds of +275 are fair on Harry producing a Netflix show about something…
Something I won’t be watching.
This isn’t a bad shout, considering Harry will be writing up job applications as we speak.
But, of course, when the oddsmakers say writer, they mean in a professional capacity. You know, like another ginger royal exile (and his aunt), Sarah Ferguson.
If Harry’s assumingly questionable skills as a Netflix producer go unproven, there is a chance that we could see him write his memoirs.
You just have to wonder how painfully boring it could be. I mean, the guy has had everything handed to him on a golden serving dish all of his life.
Anyone expecting the twists, turns, and life-affirming tales of an “Angela’s Ashes” will be disappointed.
Any Military Job +800
Harry claims to have experience killing insurgents in Afghanistan while fighting for the British Army, so you might think that a role in the military could be on the cards.
It seems highly unlikely that the prince would risk his life in any capacity, given that he has a young child. And on account of him spending time in Canada, I doubt he would be too keen for a life in any war-torn region.
Plus, he has officially been stripped of his army titles and is barred from serving in the British Army.
Ha! A royal running a restaurant? Jeez, I’m not sure he could escape the puns…
What’s Harry going to call the place? Burger Prince? I’m not sure Burger King would be happy about that, or his genius idea to start selling the “Chicken Royale” as if it was his own idea.
I know, I know. The place would be a lot classier than a fast food joint. I get it.
But when you are faced with a bill of $25,000 for some artisan bread and a few slices of veal, I’m not sure you’ll be best pleased.
A teacher of what?
How to be born into absolute wealth and have the world at your fingertips? Or how to throw it all away?
Maybe. Let’s say that he could make this whole thing work, though. Maybe we could look back at this whole debacle in the future as the greatest thing he could have done. More than this, he could teach everyone a lesson about independence.
Of course, not all children’s party entertainers dress up like clowns. This is 2020, after all, and we see all kinds of requests.
Ninjas, cartoon characters, and even Prince Charming.
There you go, that writes itself.
And if he does go down the route of working as a children’s party entertainer, I’m sure his brother could look him up.
Commercial Pilot +5000
Imagine taking the 8:45 from JFK to Colorado Springs, and this coming over the tannoy:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, Prince Harry, speaking. We are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet. In other words, your highness is being directly controlled by your highness… haha, get it? By the way, try the peanuts…”
Yeah, it would be weird, wouldn’t it?
I guess that’s why the odds on this are so, um, high. That and the prince’s commitment to cutting down on his carbon footprint, presumably.
Police Officer +5000
Adult Film Star +10000
Insert (no pun intended) your hilarious adult movie star name for Harry here.
I can’t even bring myself to think about the giant s**t show that would occur if the prince entered (giggidy) the adult film industry.
As for his name? Prince Dong doesn’t have the same ring to it, so I’m stumped with trying to imagine one that would.
The titles of his movies would probably be much more imaginative. Something that rhymes with Buckingham Palace would be a start.
Fast Food Crew Member +10000
Maybe Harry could get to serve those Chicken Royales after all.
And he could finally get himself a crown to be proud of, too. See, things could be looking up for the prince…
Seeing as Harry stepped away from full-time duties as a royal, perhaps a part-time position with the world’s second-favorite burger franchise could be on the cards.
The oddsmakers must have had a good chuckle when coming up with this one. Either that or they see Harry doing a good job of replicating Dick Van Dyke’s cockney chimney sweep in Mary Poppins.
Although both Harry and the fictional Bert are both Londoners, they come from very different parts of the city. As you can probably imagine, their backgrounds are very, very different.
Would Harry make a good chimney sweep? Perhaps he would. But I’m sure there are better jobs out there for him.
Circus Performer +10000
“Step right up, step right up. Gather round, y’all, to witness one of the most sensational, spectacular acts you will ever see. Here, we have the British prince, who is throwing it all away…”
Yeah, I can’t see that going down too well.
All jokes aside, Harry would probably suck in the circus. I’m not sure the carnie lifestyle is exactly what he and Meghan had planned when they decided to walk away from their cushy lifestyle in Frogmore Cottage.
As for the Rest…
If Harry can’t fill any of the above roles or vacancies, there is still hope yet.
Who wouldn’t love to see the rebellious prince screaming at kids causing a ruckus at the back of the bus or threatening to kick a partner off before their stop for playing music too loud?
You can get odds of +10000 on him becoming a bus driver.
If you believe that there is a slight chance that the Uber driver taking you to your local dive bar could be the Harry, back him at +10000 to be a cab driver or rideshare chauffeur.
You can also get +1000 on the Duke of Sussex making it as a janitor or a train driver.
But come on, let’s be serious here — what is next for Prince Harry?
Betting on Prince Harry’s Next Job
With “Megxit” now confirmed, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are set to embark on a new life.
It takes balls to leave the royal family — especially when you have a life where you do not have to worry about money, security, or, well, pretty much anything.
Given Harry’s high profile, there are many questions surrounding how he is going to be able to keep his family safe and their lifestyle to a high standard.
I will leave the speculation on this to the experts, but I’m happy enough to give my two cents on where his next job will be.
The guy has previously served in the British Army. So, at least on paper, this guy is not afraid of a little elbow grease.
Given his desire to step away from the public eye, you can forget about Harry working as Ed Sheeran’s stunt double or flippin’ burgers for multinational companies.
Instead, back him to work behind the scenes. Bet on Harry to show solidarity with his wife by trying to relate with her — as much as possible — at a time when it seems that it is them against the world.
What’s Harry’s Game?
Who knows what’s next for the prince and princess?
These two are going out on their own — well, as much as royals can — so anything could be on the cards.